the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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