Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
