the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
