3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
