How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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