my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
