i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
