Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
