Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
