glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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