He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
