It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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