yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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