I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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