goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
foreskin is a definite game changer
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
