Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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