Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You made out with two different species that night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
