My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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