Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I stole a fireplace last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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