I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
