my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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