He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Don't EVER smell your tampon
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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