Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Are we still banned from the library?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
