I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
actually, I'm a sock model
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
