um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
