Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
