Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Say something about gay babies.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
