AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
