Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
