the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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