id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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