I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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