This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
