Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
