just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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