i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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