so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
