winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
