Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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