I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
