I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
