Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
