What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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