I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
