I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
