My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you inspire me to be a worse person
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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