Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
