Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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