mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
