Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
